The 7 Stages of Grief & Whitney Houston's Death

Where were you when you heard the news? I was in Palm Springs at Mango restaurant, the venue I'll be using for my Saturday night Dinah Shore event flushing out some really minor details. I was at the bar, drinking a surprisingly delightful (and delightfully complimentary) chipotle pineapple mojito the Mango bartender whipped up for me. I was chatting with Palm Springs icon, Gail of Lucy & Gail about...who knows what when my travel companion exclaimed, "Did you see this?" while flashing me the front page of TMZ.com announcing Houston's death.

The 7 stages of grief had begun:

SHOCK / DISBELIEF: I had JUST spoken of Whitney an hour or two earlier. A song of hers came on and I asked: "Do you think Whitney will ever sing like that again??" How disconcerting to have someone who was just a part of your thoughts announced dead shortly and how shocking to have someone who had soundtracked my life since well before I'd left my small town of Sumter, SC pass away.

DENIAL: Even though I know TMZcom has been a trusted source for celebrity news for quite some time, Whitney Houston - this living legend - could not be gone. It's not right, it's not okay and if I and anyone else who had continued to be stunned into silence by her voice refused to believe it then it could go down as just another ugly internet rumor. Just don't believe it, put "I Will Always Love You" on repeat and this will all be over, right?

ANGER: When I did accept that it was true, my shocked, furrowed eyebrows turned downward and I realized I was angry. How dare she? Why couldn't she get it together? What made her turn to drugs? Didn't she know better? Didn't she know her footprint on the world of music, on the world as a whole? How could she destroy her God-given talent and spiral out of control? Selfish questions all, I don't deny that but every one of them ran through my mind. I didn't know if drugs played a role in her death but I still harbored anger and resentment for the part they had played in her life.



BARGAINING: From anger comes the thought that if we turn back the clock and took back every "Crack is wack" joke, every Bobby & Whitney comedy skit, gave her a cool moniker like The Queen of R&B or some other show of appreciation this never could be true. I don't buy music, I haven't purchased a CD or a Itune in ages but I thought, I'll go run out and buy all her albums just let this be an error on someone's part.

GUILT: I never bought her albums, never went to a Whitney concert, I just sat back, quietly in awe of her presence, it's my fault she didn't feel appreciated. I didn't watch the Bobby & Whitney show. Did I laugh at the Whitney's on drugs jokes? I was a bad fan, a very bad fan indeed. In response to the question "Do you think she'll ever sing again" under Shock/Disbelief, my travel companion replied "Nah" - how bad do we feel for not only being right but not having enough faith that she'd ever be able to get it together?

DEPRESSION: Depression is a little melodramatic, I'd go with "somber". I felt somber because I ache for Whitney. I ache because she couldn't have known the gift she was to the world - not just a musical gift - but she was a gift to the world by just being. Whitney's every gesture, every note, every step was a joy to watch. Even when she wasn't coherent, she was her own woman, she commanded attention, she was everything and now that everything is gone - a void has been created.

ACCEPTANCE & HOPE: It hasn't even been 48 hours yet so acceptance hasn't come yet but I do accept that we can't know what Whitney went through in her final days. I have high-profile friends and the one thing I know is that they are surprisingly "regular" people with their own set of problems not too different from our own. Unless they're working a circuit, adoring fans are youtube and twitter numbers, the one on one adoration is few and far between sometimes and what they're left with are their own flaws, their own fears and their own demons. Perhaps Houston's death will inspire someone - to sing, to get help, to pursue a dream - that is my hope.

Goodbye, Whitney, know that you were and will continue to be loved. No one can or will ever replace you. You will remain in our hearts forever.